[it’s all about me]

Dave said he was going to take lots of pictures of me pregnant, since it will be the last time. I think this is the second picture we have :-)! (36 1/2 weeks at Ali's wedding)

Yep, this post is all about me.  Well, me and this little guy I am currently sharing my body with.
I am closing in on my 38th week of pregnancy and just for kicks I did some due date math:
If this little guy decides to come when Logan did, he’d be joining us Saturday.
If he’s on Conner’s schedule we would meet him on May 1st.
And if he decides to take Audra’s path (hope not) which included being induced 2 days prior to my due date, he’d arrive on May 6th.

I’m sure he’s on his own schedule, but either way it is getting closer.  As I think about it getting closer, I can’t help but feel more and more anxious.

I also can’t help but look back on this my final pregnancy and see how it has compared to the other three.
The most obvious difference is how this pregnancy came to be.  There was no medical intervention, there was no strong desire to become pregnant, and there was definitely a huge element of surprise!!
I also did not get nearly as sick, or at least not within the same time period.  Just when I thought I would make it through the pregnancy without nausea it hit, just later than previously.
I have experienced some other pregnancy discomforts, but nothing comparatively speaking.  Even at this point, I am not miserable.  I’m a bit tired of the sometimes really hard kicking and hiccups (I’ve never enjoyed feeling the baby get hiccups).  And I would like to be able to put on socks/nylons and not pee all the time, but other than that I don’t have many aches and pains to mention.  I consider this a great blessing and maybe due in part to the fact that I have remained mostly active during this pregnancy.  Never done that before :-)!  I am especially enjoying my prenatal yoga and walking.
And I know the hormones change things up, but I don’t remember being quite this emotional with other pregnancies.  It’s fun to start crying for what seems like no reason . . . . but at least I have an excuse.

So my body is hanging in there, but like I said my mind is taking over and it’s causing a bit of anxiety.  Dave says I do this every pregnancy at about this time.  And he’s been super awesome at reassuring me that I should feel this way.  I’ve done this before and know exactly what I’m getting myself into, so of course that will cause some angst.  I also know the power of mind over body, so as I near this delivery and birth I am spending lots of time thinking and building my inner-strength.  This is what I love about delivering sans medication; I get to focus on how amazing my body is and how powerful I can be when needed and with the help of the Lord.

As I look back over this pregnancy and plan ahead to the delivery, I honestly know that I can completely trust my body.  This body which was created by a Heavenly Father; this body who He placed this baby in; this body which has carried 4 children and will deliver 4 children.  What a blessing to know that as a woman I was created to fulfill this role and that with my Heavenly Father’s help I can achieve hard things (like labor and delivery).  This is the strength that I will rely on when I don’t want to do it anymore.

I also have the strength, and positive thinking of so many wonderful people.  My midwife is simply amazing!  She continually tells me that I know what I’m doing and that it is going to be a great experience.  Although I’m not using a doula this time around, I have been in contact with her and she agrees that I know what I’m doing and everything will work out.  My family buoys me up when I need it and will play a large role in this delivery.  And of course Dave is there to listen to my fears and doubts; he lets me get them out without criticizing and then proceeds to build me up with his complete faith.  I’m one lucky gal!

My mantra for right now and through delivery comes from my yoga DVD:
“The knowledge and fortitude which you already possess, is now available to you.”

I realize this post was written to me and for me.
I needed to get these thoughts out of my head so I can move ahead and also learn from them.
I know my feelings will be a treasure for me to look back on sometime down the road.  

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